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To be his best friend, to be the person he can always share what he feels with, the person with whom he will be always able to find comfort and peace. Loving a sexual abuse survivor is not an easy path.
You have to fight to win his trust, and you have to keep it for good, and never disappoint him. This is why so many relationships and marriages of survivors end up soon with painful break-ups or divorces.
He seems to be so distant from you sometimes, and even like he is not present. The self defense mechanisms work like this-not thinking about the problem, or not talking at all and not getting attached to anyone saves you from pain and disappointment again.
This is of course not a real solution of the issue, but a victim of abuse rarely realizes it and keeps it going on for years.
He wants to be that imaginary person without a painful past, he wants to turn the time back and do something to prevent the abuse, to rescue his own life now knowing what followed the abuse, knowing what kind of a life he is living and what kind of a person he is.
And I find it impossible to open my soul to someone truly and deeply to fall in love. It is not easy to love me just because I am a sexual abuse survivor. The “prince on the white horse”needs to be extra strong and extra brave, with some emotional power for both of us. And you cannot change that (even though you wish you could).You have to accept him together with the burden he brings on his shoulders and to be ready to be always supportive, understanding and caring. You decide to walk the difficult way and be with this man, or walk away and find another love without a painful past.The people who betrayed him were the closest to him and part of him still cannot realize that not all people are the same and not every person would do the same.He is so many times cold and he has got his moods, he is sometimes distant and sometimes so open to you so you find it difficult to understand what exactly he feels about you.It is difficult to live with such a burden on your shoulders.The life of a sexual abuse Survivor is a never-ending struggle, never-ending fight to prove to others, never ending circle of pain and disappointment, and dealing with it is not easy.Loving a sexual abuse survivor is a constant battle.You need to be aware in what are you involving yourself and to be willing to walk this way. He is going to be always the man who was sexually abused as a child.The sexual abuse Survivor doesn’t understand himself sometimes and cannot find the words to describe all the emotions and feelings he is going through.He wishes he doesn’t feel this way and he wishes just to wake up one day and forget everything, and start over his life. With all this on your mind, it is not easy to believe someone else understands you really.